Proooound! So many things come up for me as I listen to David J. Whyte. A great modern-day poet speaks about another great poet, David Wagoner, and his thought-provoking poem “Lost”.

I have felt everything he speaks about. Everything.

I’ve seen little clips of Whyte’s interview on Dr. Jeffrey Mishlov’s Thinking Allowed DVD, but I hadn’t seen the entirety of the conversation to see the fuller context.

Like, what came before he started talking about Wagoner’s poem and what he then continued to offer after.

Looking at the entire clip (excerpt), I had to sit back and close my eyes and listen… the whole explanation is so beautiful.

The poetry of a street kid from Philadelphia gave us a major tool for life. When we are feeling lost, stand still. A few things that came up for me … there is preciseness in the dark.

“The forrest knows where you are. You must let it find you.” ~ David Wagoner, from his poem Lost

So true.

So true.

What did it feel like for me in the dark?

It was definitely quiet.

It was hallow.

There was no perception of space.

There was nothing above me, nothing below me, nothing.

Nothing all around me.

There was nothing.

Just me.

I couldn’t day-dream up a way out-forward. And, miraculously, I wasn’t too concerned with what had been.

There was nothing but that present moment of here.

There’s nowhere else but here. As I sat in the here, the silence of here, the nothingness of here. I did, as Wagoner teaches in his poem Lost, become aware of it all.

“It” being me. Me in every situation, every conversation… that I could recall. Me, in everything.

Whereas before, I had always felt like the situations were bigger, more important, more visible than me.

I couldn’t even feel myself.

I was a nothingness in all the situations.

But in that dark silence of here, all there was was me. Then for the first time, all the situations were the nothingness.

The positions had switched.

I definitely became aware of myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my behaviors, my habits. My lefts, my rights. For the first time. David Whyte is so right the silence can be frightening, but it is so good for the souls progress and continued journey to absolute fullness. The full expression of “it” self that wants to be heard, felt and seen by the possessor of it.

For the first time, I could see where I had betrayed myself.

Where I had forgotten myself, where I did not love myself.

I could see very clearly.

I was not numb anymore in the here.

I was very much awake and present and alive and feeling every part of my beings experience.

I was disappointed that I hadn’t loved myself properly, but yet expecting everybody else and everything else to respect me and honor me, cherish me and love me properly.

The numbness was that I was not giving that to myself.

Like that was the numbness I’d been feeling.

I’m, like, thinking, why did I mute my authority to love me first?

Hmm.

Why did I mute that authority?

I don’t think it ever occurred to me that I could or that it was my responsibility.

Nobody told me that. I’d heard it said, like in a podcast or mentioned by my Mother. I believe she’d said it to me in my younger life. But I didn’t grasp the concept. It’s abstract until it’s not.

That the skill was my responsibility to acquire.

I’m thinking now … I’m really trying to process it because that question just really, it just really stopped me in my track just now.

Do people have to teach you that skill? They say, love yourself! But, like, how?

Is loving yourself a skill? When babies are born, nobody tells them to breastfeed.

Nobody tells them, you attach your lips to this nipple for your nourishment.

They just automatically know how to do that to survive and to feed themselves. 

You don’t just know how to love yourself first and know that, okay, this is your responsibility in life.

It is a survival skill that determines the quality of life. But not obvious like making sure you have a roof over your head and food in your belly.

But loving yourself is … a skill that has to be learned.

How do you learn it?

Who teaches it to you?

Who teaches you that your wants, needs and desires come first and that is your right?

It is your born inheritance. Just as breastfeeding.

And then you tend to other people, after you feed yourself. Through your ability to love on yourself, it’s going to help you be able to have boundaries when you are encountering other people in the world. Because you’re going to know what you want need, desire … so when other people in the world are not honoring the first principle of your life – love you, properly – they can’t cross over the line into your space, into your presence, into your universe. That aren’t nourishment.

Entry denied. That keeps out all the crap.

Who teaches you that?

How do you learn that?

If you didn’t have physical teachers then life will definitely be your greatest teacher when it comes to self- love. And you’ll just have to learn the hard way by trial and error.

The Bible teaches wisdom is a learned skill.

There’s only two ways you can learn wisdom … either by watching other people make mistakes, seeing their consequences and saying, you know, I don’t want that outcome.

These physical teachers you’re observing can report to you what they’ve learned, imparting that wisdom to you, right?

Or the second way is trial and error.

You actually have to go through it yourself and be your own teacher.

I’ve definitely had to be my own teacher.

And it’s taken longer to get the concepts of life because of that.

I think if you’re blessed to have physical teachers, you shortcut. You get the cheat code. You get the answers to the tests.

You could have physical teachers, but then you don’t trust the source of the information or their results.  

Which just changed my idea about being “hard-headed”. These aren’t rebellious people. We just don’t trust that’s the only possibility available. We have a deep sense that another outcome is available for us. We’re in auto-pilot faith, not forced fear. Hmmm, I need to dive into this.

Back to the point. So, I mean, life is going to teach you either way, and you’re still going to have to be your own teacher.

And that’s that “precise in the dark” David Whyte is talking about.

When we get in those forrest moments just be still and become aware of yourself in that silence. Trust here has the answer.

You won’t have all these other voices. It’ll just be you, and you have to examine you, just you, in every situation, every circumstance, in every choice.

And that can be frightening, but it’s so good.

For the soul.